I want to share something that is ultimately extremely empowering in our healing journey and it is learning to step into 'responsibility.'

If there's one thing my journey of 20 years has shown me and working with others for 17 years has shown me, it's that with every single pattern or problem we experience, there is an energy or a Part within us that is creating that reality.

These are the parts that we get to discover in my Somatic Healing sessions. We discover parts of us that are literally creating the very thing you don't want! Be that a health issue, a relationship issue, parenting challenge or something else. As we heal and integrate these parts, our external life transforms. 

Here are some examples.

Example 1) You continue to attract people who need your help and you are feeling tired and burdened and unsupported. At the root of this, it's the child part that learnt that the only way to stay connected to a distant and emotionally immature or physically unwell parent was to become the parent and help them. As you give to this child part the love, connection and support she needs, she is able to let go of any unhealthy co-dependency or martyring type of self-sacrificing behaviours and instead form relationships that are mutually beneficial and balanced in the giving and receiving. You now feel supported within your relationships. 

Example 2) You are resentful towards your partner because they are always telling you what to do and you feel smothered and want to move out because you need more 'space'. Yet at the root of this is a child part that is not taking any responsibility for life because this part has checked out entirely due to trauma. This part isn't present in life and so you make many mistakes and there are holes everywhere in your unorganised life which is why your partner steps in to try and help you and guide you to prevent you from making the same mistakes. This part feels helpless. This is the part your partner is sensing and why they step in. Yet your adult self finds this extremely annoying. Healing this requires healing the trauma so that you can move into greater embodiment and presence in life. This will allow you to be connected to your life and thus take responsibility for your life. This allows you to deal with things as they arise, rather than just forgetting about them. Problems get dealt with and you get on top of your life. Your partner sees that you are now thriving and has no need to step in. Your relationship now feels much more spacious. 

So as you can see, on one level we are creating our reality. Or at the very least, filtering it through our subconscious belief systems and Parts.

Although I don't use NLP anymore, a helpful piece of advice I heard in my training back in 2005 that helped me to move into greater responsibility was to experiment for just one day and imagine that I was creating everything. We were told to imagine that everything that happened that day, we were creating that either consciously or unconsciously. It was a very interesting way to view my day and opened me up to a whole new lens I could view my life through. 

We were taught that:

VICTIMS have the following mentality:

- They feel that the world is happening to them

- They feel disempowered

- They blame others for their problems

CREATORS have the following mentality:

- Life happens through them and because of them.

- They feel empowered

- They take responsibility for the mirror of their life

Now, in the space of trauma healing, there are absolutely victims. So I need to tread very carefully here and ensure my message is clearly communicated. In life victims and perpetrators absolutely exist. But this isn't what I want to speak to in this post.

As we heal and explore these victim parts in my Somatic Healing Sessions, we allow and feel and honour every feeling and emotion of these parts so they can heal. These parts are real and do need to be seen and gently supported and empowered. We do not want to override these parts with this information, ever. This topic therefore is quite nuanced.

My main point is that those who are most successful at being able to transform their patterns are those who have the mindset of taking responsibility. They know how to take responsibility and create a different outcome rather than getting stuck in blaming others and feeling helpless.

This mindset is what has helped me to heal. Every time I experienced something I didn't like, or my body wasn't healing, or I had a conflict with someone, or my business was failing, whatever it was, I would ask myself, "How am I creating this and what can I change?". Or another way to frame this, was I would think to myself that "I just haven't gotten to the root cause yet within me" and I would get curious as to what that was.

Now this doesn't mean that I would allow people to walk all over me or anything like that. But my practice was to recognise that when something happened that I didn't want, was to get curious and ask myself, was there something in me that created this? If so, I wanted to own it, take responsibility for it, maybe heal that part, or learn or evolve or whatever was needed on my part. The majority of the time I would go within and find the part in myself that was creating that outcome. 

Life is very much a co-creation.

We truly are creating our life but often it's from very unconscious aspects of us that can be influenced from unresolved ancestral energies and even past lives.

So I invite you to open your mind and instead of blaming, ask yourself the same question of "How am I creating this? What unconscious aspect of myself has allowed this etc?" or "What can I do differently to get a different result?"

I have come to understand from my journey and from my many clients that we often cycle through the same wounds lifetime after lifetime until we decide to heal.

As we step into a greater responsibility of our life, we find the power within to make different choices and thus to create a different future. If we are repeating patterns, then we are the central part of that pattern and we need to go within and dissolve what no longer serves us and heal. This is the only way we evolve.

So my suggestion for your 'homework' this week is to try this hat on of reducing the amount of blame, owning what is showing up, and getting curious as to, 'How am I creating this or what do I need to do differently in order to get a different result?' And see what unfolds! Would love to hear how you go with this!