If you have not yet read Part 1 - What is the Inner Child?, head over to that article and begin there.

Healing the inner child, as necessary and rewarding as it, comes with its challenges. There are many practices, methods of self-connection and self-enquiry which we can do on our own which will contribute to the healing of our inner child. I believe learning how to do that is absolutely critical so that we can be as self-empowered as possible on our healing journey.

However, in my 17 years of experience, I’ve seen the challenges that come with healing these parts of us and I would recommend working with a trained Somatic-based Trauma-Informed Practitioner because of what I’m about to share in this article. 

The Inner Child Is Buried In The Subconscious
More often than not, our inner child is buried deep down into our subconscious. It is a vulnerable part of us that carries so much hurt and pain that it usually doesn’t trust others or even our own self. Although each person’s inner child feels different feelings, generally it feels scared, unloved, alone and carries deep-seated feelings of worthlessness or shame.

It is also not uncommon for this part of us to be in a freeze response and feel disempowered, helpless and powerless. Accessing our subconscious is definitely something my clients learn to do through working with me and my courses, however most people do not know how to do this and therefore will not know how to access or heal this part.

Emotions Become Walled Off
If we were left alone as a child to deal with our intense feelings such as fear, shame, or abandonment, this would have overwhelmed our system as I described in Part 1 of this article and resulted in our autonomic nervous system suppressing and walling off those sensations and emotions, separating them from our conscious awareness and pushing them into our unconscious mind (i.e., the body).

It was not a conscious choice to deny, repress and disown these parts of us. It was purely a survival response dictated by the wisdom of our autonomic nervous system that allowed us to survive and cope with a traumatic event/s or simply survive the experience/s that felt overwhelming. The more unsupported overwhelm a child experienced, the more fragmented their psyche will likely be and the more parts there will be to integrate.

Protector Parts
When we are left alone in that overwhelm, we develop what is known as a Protector Part. The ‘protector part’ was coined within Internal Family systems (IFS) Therapy. In some therapeutic models, the protector part may be referred to as the "twin" of the wounded inner child because it is created in response to our child's needs not being met and is often seen as the polar opposite of the inner child's vulnerable and wounded state.

Essentially, the protector part is a strategy the child creates to help them navigate their world and protect themselves from emotional pain.

This twin or polar opposite often manifests in various ways such as the:

•  Inner critic
•  Perfectionist
•  People-pleaser
•  Controller
•  Avoider
•  Rationaliser
•  Fixer/Rescuer
•  Caretaker
•  Rebel
•  Pessimist
•  Defender
•  Protector
•  Analyser
•  Intellectualiser
•  Procrastinator
•  Saboteur
•  Narcissist

It's worth noting that these are just examples, and there can be many other ways that protector parts might manifest. Additionally, some of these patterns may overlap or coexist within us. The key is to recognise the patterns that are specific to you and how they are serving to protect your wounded inner child part.

Protectors Are The Walls We Build & The Armour We Wear
Protectors are often seen as "guardians" of the inner child, and their behaviour can be protective but also limiting, as they may prevent us from fully experiencing life, forming healthy relationships and even from healing.

It is the protector part that can make healing the inner child difficult, if not impossible, if we don’t know how to first recognise this part of ourself, and secondly know how to lovingly bring safety to this part of our system in order to de-arm it. 

Protectors are the parts of us that often conflict with what the deeper part of us wants. Here are some examples:

• Perhaps we desire connection, but our protector part chooses disconnection in order to stay safe and prevent hurt.
• Our inner child might feel unsupported and need support, but the protector might be hyper-independent and push away any form of help to prevent being let down and abandoned again.
• We might desire a relationship but our protector may have a wall up which prevents us from receiving or giving love and thus we unconsciously push people away.
• The protector part might keep us small and invisible, or push us to achieve perfection to avoid criticism or rejection while we might desire to be seen.
• The inner critic might constantly criticise and judge the inner child in an effort to prevent them from making mistakes that could lead to further harm.
• The people-pleaser might prioritise the needs of others over their own in an effort to avoid conflict or rejection yet we start to feel resentful because we want our own needs to be met.
• The controller may try to exert control over their environment and relationships to minimise the risk of being hurt yet our deeper self might desire to relax and surrender.

It is our protector parts that often are the cause of our self-sabotage and create blocks to experiencing the very thing we actually deeply desire and crave. The protector part has a job to protect you and part of how it does this is to prevent you from re-experiencing the original emotional pain. It does this through keeping you numb and disconnected from your body and feelings and by keeping you distracted or busy.

Wearing A Mask and Inauthenticity
It also does this by avoiding situations and relationships which may be a potential threat or expose your vulnerability. The other way it might protect your vulnerable inner child is through wearing a mask in social situations or within relationship. If you were to truly bare your heart and be your authentic self, it would feel too exposing and unsafe.

Therefore, within social situations and within relationships, your protector will cause you to act in ways that is not completely authentic. The last thing it wants is for that vulnerable part of you to be exposed. These masked versions of us often also show up through the body as bracing patterns, tightness and tension. They act as a layer of armour against the deeper inner child part that feels defenceless, afraid and hurt.

Physical Health Issues or Injury
I’ve also seen many times people manifest physical illness and injury either because their protector part was attempting to keep them safe or it was their inner child trying to communicate the unexpressed pain.    

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Internal Conflict 
The polar opposite nature of the protector part and the wounded inner child is important to understand because it highlights the internal conflict that can arise within us. The protector part and wounded inner child part often have different or opposing goals and needs, which can create a sense of inner turmoil or confusion.

If someone presents are hard, it is highly likely their inner child is soft. If they present are hyper-independent, their inner child is likely dependent. If someone’s mask is overly confident, their inner child might feel insecure. If someone has a really controlling protector part, then their inner child might feel out of control. These are all examples of the polar opposite nature of the protector part. By developing this polar opposite part, it is ensuring that you will never be in a position to become hurt again.

More examples of this inner conflict might include feeling weak and helpless on the inside, yet having a strong and confident shell on the outside. Or, you might feel utterly feminine at your core and desire to be supported and to surrender within a relationship to a Man, but due to a past violation of your femininity, you’ve developed an outer mask of being masculine, hardened, and able to do everything for yourself. This has led to you feeling tired and exhausted and craving support yet attracting partners who don’t support you in the way you desire. I’ve seen that pattern in clients repeatedly over the years. And of course it's not always black and white like this either. These are just some examples. 

Protectors Perpetuate Disconnection
People will usually treat us according to the mask we wear and the most outer layer of the personality that we show. That is what our protector part wants, as that is what feels safe. If someone does happen to see through our mask into the deeper self, it might cause us to feel unsafe and even unconsciously avoid that person for fear of feeling exposed. This can leave us feeling quite alone or disconnected from others. So despite the protector’s intention for protection, it ends up perpetuating the inner child wound of aloneness and disconnection.

What I’ve learnt is that whatever we are experiencing in our life as an adult, whether we like it or not, is because some part of us wants it that way and is in agreement to that.  I can always trace what the client is experiencing back to a part within them that has beliefs that match their reality. This is where you could say that we are creating our reality.

Protector Parts Require Safety First
It's important to note that protectors are not negative or bad parts of ourselves, but rather they are attempting to help in their own way. I have found that nine out of ten times, it’s the client’s protector part that needs to be supported first before we are fully able to access the deeper layer of the wounded inner child. It’s those parts of the client that are hardened, closed, guarded and defensive that first need addressing.

Finding The Right Support
This can require professional support in my experience because often the client has no idea that these defence mechanisms are their protectors. They might assume it is simply who they are or a part of their personality.

These parts can make them feel that they aren’t ready for healing, or ready for the relationship or ready for the expansion. But in truth, these parts will remain until we do the healing work to bring safety to our system. So we shouldn’t wait to feel safe going into this work. We just need to start and the safety will come from doing the work. Its normal to have some fear or resistance to this work. That is your protector part doing their job. However, don’t let them make the decisions, let your Soul decide.

De-Armouring
The hardened, closed, guarded, or defensive parts act almost like armour, shielding the inner child from further hurt. Working with our protectors is very much a de-armouring process within our mind, body and heart and it is important during this phase that we work with anchoring safety into the nervous system and increasing capacity through parts work and somatic practices. 

The more safety the system feels, the less the protector part is needed and the armouring naturally begins to release throughout the mind and body. Tension begins to dissolve, bracing starts to relax, knots release and pain can ease. Fear starts to dissolve, trust builds, and one begins to feel more open. Here is where we begin to let life and love in.

Imagine a beautiful rose slowly blossoming open to let the rays of the Sun in. That is this journey. We open our heart and become our most beautiful unique self through this transformational unfolding.

Gentleness - Moving at The Pace of Our Protector Part
We should never force a protector part before it is ready otherwise it can trigger more bracing, more armouring and more defence. I have often witnessed that once a client decides to do this work, they can start to feel resistance. Or perhaps it is throughout our working together as we start to deepen, that the resistance can kick in. It can feel confusing to them because they might mistake this as an intuitive ‘No’ to doing the work.

When someone lacks body awareness and the ability to feel subtle differences of sensation in their body, as most people do when they start this work, they will not be able to discern the difference between their protector part and their genuine Soul ‘No’. It will simply feel like a big part of their body is saying, ‘Do not do this - danger, danger!’

I’ve seen people drop out of a course or stop sessions when this happens because it does not feel safe to continue. I am also certain that many people don’t even begin therapy or healing work also because of this same reason.

However, the more attuned someone is to their own body, the more they will be able to discern the difference between a fear-based-protective feeling of resistance, versus a intuitive ‘No from their soul.

When the protector part is triggered and resistance is felt, it is emerging as a defence mechanism trying to prevent them from doing the healing work because they know that it will mean exposing the inner child and in the past that was not safe. It’s only role since the inner child got hurt was to protect it and ensure that you never felt those big emotions again.

It has acted as a shield of armour just like a wall between the inner child and the world. It has hidden this part of us not just from others but also from our own self. The protector part has helped us to stay numb and disconnected from that part of us. But in doing this work, we become connected to those parts of us and this often feels like a threat to the protector part.

It is for this reason that we must progress slowly, gently and focus on creating safety in the system and building trust with this part. It is also important for the client to understand their nervous system and the different parts of them so they are aware of why they are feeling what they are feeling and can choose to respond rather than react from the conditioned fear response. This will move the client towards health and healing and out of that stuck place of survival.

Consistency Creates Trust Which Leads To Healing
For the de-armouring to occur, we need to show this protector part that we are consistently showing up, offering love, support and protection. As the protector part begins to feel safe and realises that we are here to help and support, they start to trust, the walls come down and the deeper vulnerable and hurt inner child becomes exposed. The big emotions of grief and heartbreak, abandonment, rejection, betrayal etc can then be felt and released. This is when healing is possible for that inner child.

Very Deep Healing Becomes Possible
This will feel like a very deep level of healing is taking place. Ive had many clients mention to me over the years that this work has taken them deeper than any other modality ever did, even if they had been doing personal and spiritual work for decades.

That was my experience of this work also. This work can take us into the places we’ve buried so deeply and thus bring us very deep levels of healing, integration and embodiment. It will feel like you are accessing something that has been blocked or hidden from view for a long time. It will be painful but it will feel like a complete relief that this part of you is finally getting the support, love and healing it has craved for most likely most of your life.

The Benefit of Having A Safe Container 
It is for this reason that I’ll mention here that working with a therapist or professional whom you feel completely safe with is of utter importance. The container created by the therapist needs to be one of safety and trust. From there, these deeper parts can surface more easily. If you do not feel safe with the person you’re working with, your inner child simply will not surface and your protector parts will remain in the forefront.

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There is an absolute art and method of being able to create a safe space, be completely attuned to your client’s nervous system and internal reality and move with the utmost respect at their pace.

If as a therapist, you have not done your own deep inner work, knowledge from a book will not be enough. The space will lack the gentleness and compassion needed for these parts to feel safe enough to surface and to then heal.

When we have experienced relational trauma, it requires safe relationships to heal. I’ve seen many clients who tried at first to heal on their own because they didn’t trust others but this only took them so far. At some point, their healing stagnated and to really reach the deeper places within themselves, they needed to work with someone who they felt safe with and this allowed them to experience co-regulation and have a felt sense that relationships can be safe. This imprint allows the nervous system to then recognise what a safe relationship feels like and so they are better able to discern in the future. 

I will reiterate that there are many somatic practices that one can do at home by themselves to create safety within their system, however this will only take them so far. At some point, they will need to learn how to feel safe again within the context of relationship and in my experience the best way for this to happen is with a trusted practitioner.

Friends and family members can also be extremely helpful, but we also want to respect that relationship and not overburden our friends and family to become our therapist. Whereas when you are working with a practitioner, they are dedicated to solely holding that safe space for you and know how to do this properly.

So in summary, it is our protector parts that can keep our inner child buried under layers of armour. The challenge is in knowing how to create safety in the system in order to de-arm those guarded and defensive parts so that our heart can begin to open and our inner child can feel safe enough to surface and heal. This process is difficult, if not impossible on our own and why I recommend working with a professional. When we are held in a safe container with someone we trust or can learn to trust, this process unfolds with greater ease and the client reaches a much greater depth.

In part 3 of this article, I speak about the general process of healing our inner child and creating that wholeness.