I was speaking to a friend recently and we were discussing her upcoming birthday. I hadn’t spoken to this friend in some months so we had a lot of catching up to do. I asked her how she was feeling and she described she was feeling quite stuck, lost and extremely disappointed with where she was in her life. She felt that, despite many previous attempts to create a better life for herself, maybe this was all she was ever going to achieve and perhaps she should just learn to accept it.

There was a lot of emotion behind her words. I asked her to drop into her body and just feel what was present. There was grief and hopelessness. Her birthday was just days away, and the closer it got the more deflated she felt. The reality of her life was not meeting the expectations she had in her mind of how she thought her life should be at her age.

As I held space for her to just be with this feeling and really allow herself to feel it, she remembered that this feeling of expectation and the resulting deflation began on her birthday the year before. She realised that she had gone through almost an entire year feeling stuck. This really shocked her.

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Prior to this realisation, she had mentioned feeling grief stuck in her heart that she was having trouble releasing. But as we were talking and I was holding space, it all became clear to her why she was feeling the way she was. This in itself, is the power and gift of working with someone who knows how to hold a clear and safe container. The emotions arise effortlessly.

I want to explain how she became stuck, and what she could have done instead.

On her birthday last year as she started to feel all of these negative feelings, rather than allowing herself to fully feel and experience the emotion, so it could move through her body and release, she disconnected from the emotion. It was an uncomfortable reality to feel, so she disconnected and this is how it became stuck. The emotion was not able to complete, therefore became stuck in her chest which manifested as grief she couldn’t access and stuckness in her vitality and life.

Her entire year had been one of stuckness, decreased life-force, and joylessness all because her mind and emotions got stuck on this one perception of her life. Rather than allowing herself to explore that perception, and open her mind to other perceptions, her mind clamped down and became rigid in the moment, not allowing her mind to see any other perspective. It was a shutting down to life-force and to her soul. A moment of mistrust in Source and in the divine plan.

As I held the space for her to feel her emotion, it moved and completed. This then allowed her mind to see other possibilities for her life; to see her life through a different lens. At the end of our chat, she felt much lighter and could finally see the gifts of her current reality, the lesson from it all and felt inspired to do what she knew she needed to do in order to create the life her heart desires and deserves...which was to go deeper within. That is always the key to having what we want and the reason why we don’t have what we want!

Moral of the story is, when we don’t allow the emotion to complete, it gets stuck and manifests as stuckness in our life and a limited vision and perspective. We then filter life through an untrue filter and our emotions will match the filter.

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In order to allow an emotion to complete, we often need to retrain ourselves in feeling. Some of us have spent lifetimes repressing, numbing, judging and avoiding our feelings as a safety mechanism. The retraining includes noticing our resistance to feeling an emotion which our mind judges as negative, and then learning to be comfortable with the sensations of that emotion in our body. It’s about learning to accept and allow all of our feelings, without labelling them, or judging them as good or bad.

It’s about being present with them in the body, while they move through and out of the body. It’s about becoming comfortable with uncomfortable feelings; expanding our capacity to be with sensations that the mind deems as uncomfortable. When we can create that space in the body, then anything can heal. This is how we release stuckness and trauma from our body and gradually embody our soul. it’s how we open to more life-force, creativity, and begin to hear the whispers of our soul much more clearly. And it's how we release limiting perceptions and open to more of the truth by dissolving the limitation from the roots rather than just band-aiding it with positive thinking.

Each emotion is a gift for us. If we are present enough to listen, the emotion has a story to tell and gifts to share with us. We just need to be loving enough to stay present with this part of us.

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Love Tamika Rose
Inner Child and Emotional Healer, Soul Embodiment Guide